Vlogmas 2016 Day 4- Dog Body Massage Tutorial

Posted on December 4th by Jenna
 

Do you ever just sit and think to yourself, man I could really go for a massage right now, well so does your dog just imagine it all that running and jumping around really takes a toll on those little dog muscles and who's to say they wouldn't like a nice body massage, not like how you pet them or scratch them but a nice deep tissue body massage in slow motion with a deep voice and some sexy music because I'm pretty sure all dogs are just quietly hoping their human realizes how badly they want a body massage and they try to give their human hints like putting their shoulder out where you can see them and sitting and laying around and just existing I mean the signs are all there that just scream MASSAGE THIS BODY BOI and we just ignore them all the time because we don't speak the same language like not even remotely the same language because our language has letters and words and conjunctions and verbs and theirs is just a series of essentially grunts that you know don't help them communicate in any sort of effective way even with each other like you should see peach and kermit try to talk to each other what the actual hell because peach is pretty smart but kermit man he's like on another planet we like to think that he's a little socially impaired because he just does things that are downright inappropriate to what the rest of the dogs are doing like Julie's mom will come over with their two dogs and so there will be 5 dogs in the house all running around and playing (minus marbles who is fun policing or sitting with his an mommi for an protection) and kermit will read that situation and be like you know what I'm going to do right now? Absolutely go ham on this fucking toy over in the corner by myself, like I know theres excitement happing and a normal dog would run around and play but no kermit like doesn't know how to direct his excitement so he just mangles a toy and tosses it to himself like an idiot and peach will try to call him over like hey come play with us look at us we are being dogs and they just do not speak the same language, I'm pretty sure kermit just has thoughts and then they just silently float into the air into space and go nowhere and that's how he listens to, like you'd have a better time shouting straight into a toilet than getting kermit to understand what you're saying to him but anyways I hope you liked this body massage tutorial and remember just because your dog doesn't tell you they want a body massage in English like how they're supposed to talk to you doesn't mean they don't actually want a body massage so just get out there and massage your dog man or your cat or bird or hamster or whatever the fuck everybody deserves a nice shoulder and or full body massage alright bye happy vlogfuck

 
 

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