Kermie Worm Is A Certified Assassin

Posted on June 13th by Jenna


So guess who comes parading into the kitchen with this beautiful conquest in his mouth last night?

Yes, you guessed correctly, Sir Kermit Washington Lincoln himself.  I believe this brings his rat death toll up to 8 now.  At first I thought maybe all the cats in the neighborhood were killing them and then leaving them around after they were bored of them being dead and what not (you know how cats roll, those devious little creatures).  But the number is getting far too high at this point and the rats look like they are being freshly killed.  Yes, there are plenty of cats and rats in my neighborhood, and yes it is a possibility that Kermie Worm somehow has access to a cat's secret rat burial ground, but it's kind of far fetched.  I don't have a yard, I have a small back deck that's maybe 4 feet across and like 10 feet wide.  He can get down to the ground around it but I'd say his total roaming area is relatively small (not to mention paved), maybe like 70 square feet.  Perfect rat traffic area but not rat living area and certainly not cat hangout area.  It's all fenced in so a cat would have to jump over that fence with a rat in its mouth to torture it to death and then leave it there... 8 plus times.  Then Kermit would have to find it, climb back up on the deck and parade it through the doggy door back into the house.  You see what I'm saying?  Just ridiculous.

Therefore I have come to the conclusion that Kermit is a certified assassin.  He is killing these rats on their way home from the grocery store or wherever they go during the day and our little back area must be like the highway or something.  Just picking them off one by one and then bringing them in the house trying to impress me and shit.  Well I'm not impressed and I'm pretty sure if there's a person in the Greater Boston Area that's going to catch rat Herpes or something it's going to be me.  FML.