The Time I Went To DC To... Drink?

Posted on February 9th by Jenna






Occasionally people all over the place are like, hey Jenna, what are you doing on this date and time?  And I'm like, I don't know what are you doing?  And they ask me to come to their nightclub or something and hang out.  The first and only time I have made this spectacular event happen was on February 3rd at Fur Nightclub in DC.  You see my angel faces, as much as I would love to go literally anywhere someone wanted me to (a ship, a library, your moms basement, etc.) it does get pretty exhausting, and the last thing I want to do is make really terrible half assed videos like I already do because I was traveling around drinking liquor.  Know what I mean?

That being said however, since I'm all settled into my new apartment (sans an actual bed frame as some astute viewers have continued to point out, thanks I'm working on it) the holidays are over and the year is blooming into a full blown brontosaurus, I will probably be doing a few more of these.  Maybe once a month or so if Kermit and Marbles will allow it.  I can just hear them now, "where the fuck is my mom?  This is horse shit.  I signed up for a mom.  Put me on a commercial with Sarah McLaughlin."

A little bit about what I did while I was there in case you are still reading this (why?)

I arrived in the majestic DC area on Friday afternoon and got to see some things that were very AMERICA!!! on the way to the hotel.  It was not my first visit to our capital, in fact I have been several times.  Once, on the coolest field trip ever for 7th graders where kids gave each other HJ's on the bus (I didn't partake in any of that because I was horribly awkward until... well I guess that never changed) and again several times in high school and college to visit my family in a suburb called Chevy Chase.  Yeah that's a real place, how fucking cool is that.  My Aunt worked for the Library of Congress since like 1700 B.C. because she's my grandma's sister, which makes her a ...??? we just call her Aunt Mary.   Either way, I'm sure she knows tons of secrets about books and law and America that not even Dan Brown could tell you, let alone Puff Daddy.  Shhhh it's not supposed to make sense.

I had a lovely lunch and a nap at the hotel before slathering myself in glittery fake tan to look less like the alien cat that I am.  I put on my whore face and matching whore outfit and headed over to the club.  When I arrived, there was the most sexual awesome room full of pure angels there waiting to hug it out and slow dance for a little bit, take some pictures, drink vodka, and exchange pieces of paper with full recipes for a shot called "The Flesh Light" which is something like the following:


Cranberry juice


Orange Juice


I don't remember, someone wrote it out and handed it to me personally stating it was delicious, the paper is downstairs, I'm too lazy to go get it.  I don't recommend Googling it though, I just tried that and it was so gross.  Anyway, there were so many fucking people there, it was fantastical.  I hugged and met everybody that wanted to meet me, and I'm sure there were plenty of people that were like, the fuck is that bitch doing.  She looks like a hooker.  As you can tell by the pictures, they weren't wrong.  The section I was standing in had a glass wall and people kept holding up their phones with pictures of their dogs and cats so I could see them and laugh hysterically at their funny faces and outfits.  You guys sure know how to cut right to the core of me.  After the night was over, I went to sleepy time and had to get back on an airplane ride the next day.  So it was somewhat of a whirlwind dinosaur travel, but very fun nonetheless.

Above are some of the pictures I managed to find from my Facebook, twitter and Jenna Marbles Flog which I personally do not run, but it's one of the best Tumblr's going if you ask me.  Just glorious GIF's all over the place.  Below is a picture of a dollar bill that someone had me sign?  I don't know, one person asked for it then a bunch more did.  Seems weird because it was dark and I just scribbled on it but hey, now it's your scribbled-on dollar bill.  Ten points!  All in all, it was a very sexual time and I promise to do more in the future so look out for me and my streetwalker outfits in a city near you.